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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a child’s addiction fear the discussion will focus on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the illness of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to hospitalization or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”